I thought I would talk about some things I wish I would have known before I had our beautiful daughter. These are things that I personally have discovered or realized, especially in hindsight. Most (if not all) new moms put an unbelievable amount of pressure on themselves to the THE best mother. Realistically, no one is the best mother, the most perfect mother, the quintessential first time mother, etc. It's just not humanly possible. We all make mistakes. We all get way too emotional over the little things. We all blame ourselves if we can't do something simple like get our baby to go to sleep or stop crying. With all that said, here are my tips (or things to keep in mind) if you're pregnant, just gave birth or just got home from the hospital with your bundle of joy:
* Educate yourself! Don't be like I was (and I'm sure other women out there) and think that everything there is to know about motherhood will just magically come to you and all those motherly instincts will take over. There will be times when your instincts will kick in, but I also believe that KNOWLEDGE IS POWER! If there is a particular subject you are passionate about, learn all there is to know about it! The glorious thing about this day and age is that people love documenting their lives. The good and the bad. Go to Youtube and search things you are interested in learning more about. Like "Day in the life of a new mom," or "Breastfeeding a newborn," or "Pros/Cons of co-sleeping," ect. Odds are you'll find families that have decided to put their own personal lives on the internet, as a way to help others. Also, if your hospital offers free (or somewhat inexpensive) classes, TAKE THEM! I didn't take any classes. When I told people I wasn't taking a birthing class, they were shocked! I naively thought, "When the time comes, I'll know what to do..." I didn't . I may have lasted longer before getting my epidural if I knew how to breathe and what positions were best to help ease the pain. If you plan on breastfeeding, take a breastfeeding class. I again thought, "Well, breastfeeding is natural so I don't need a class on how to do it!" Wrong. The more facts you know about it, the better. I got a lot of conflicting advice from the nurses at my hospital which led me to supplement and give up way too easily. Get a book on breastfeeding as well. Once you're home, you can refer to it if a problem arises.
* Relax! When you're pregnant and about to give birth any day, it's so hard to relax obviously. But speaking from experience, this is your time to really enjoy alone time. Also alone time with your spouse. Go out to dinner. Go to a movie. Just lounge around and really live in the moment being pregnant and feeling your baby moving inside of you. Once you are huge and ready to pop, just sit around and stare at your morphing belly. Take video of it. It will be so neat to look back on someday. Enjoy all the little things happening in your life before baby. Soon enough life will get way more hectic and you'll miss not taking advantage of the little quiet moments. If you've just had your baby, it's even harder to relax. I was so stressed out in the hospital. I was just a big ball of nerves knowing that this little helpless person, depended solely on my husband and I. Plus, every time she was hungry I would get really anxious because I had a horrible time latching her on my own. Cherish your time with your BRAND NEW baby! Hold him/her as much as you can. Time goes ridiculously fast, so think about that every moment you look down at your baby.
*Wear your baby! My personal favorite for a newborn is the Moby. To me it just feels more snug and comfy for the baby. He/She will be so close to you that they will feel comforted and hearing your heartbeat is such a familiar sound for them. Also it will give you as a new mom, a chance to get things done around the house. When my daughter was a newborn, she didn't like to be put down unless she was all ready asleep. The Moby Wrap always put her to sleep and I was able to eat lunch, start laundry, or even take a little walk. It also makes grocery shopping easier. All the walking you'll be doing keeps the baby asleep and reminds him/her of being in the womb with all the bouncing. When your baby is older, I've heard the Ergo baby carrier is marvelous! You can also use if for a newborn, but it's all in personal preference. Another benefit in wearing your baby is it greatly reduces SIDS (Sudden Infant Death). More info on that HERE.
*Minimize where you can! When you're a first time parent, you think you need EVERYTHING that experts suggest is "needed" for baby's first year. Granted there are quite a few things you need, but you can also buy things hand-me-down or even make your own decorations! If you aren't crafty, try looking on Etsy for handmade items you can find great deals on! Look for secondhand toys, playmats, jumpers etc. This is where most of your money will go. Everything can be cleaned up and look like new again! Your baby will never know the toy he/she is enjoying used to belong to someone else. Odds are, you'll get quite a few clothes at your baby shower (if you have one) so wait until after your shower to buy a lot of clothes. When it comes to where your baby will sleep, only buy 1 crib sheet (and one back up crib sheet). You don't need the bumpers, bedskirts, window valances and quilts that most packaged bedding comes with. Bumpers are a suffocation hazard. If you feel like you need to protect your sweet baby's head from the hard wood panels, get Breathable Bumpers. We recently just purchased some because Eisley kept getting her arms stuck between the panels. Yikes. The Breathable Bumpers solved that problem.
*Don't start something you can't keep up with! By that I mean, just be mindful of what outside sources (besides yourself) you are using to soothe your baby. Yes, your baby looks adorable sucking on a pacifier but you may be starting something that will be hard to stop. Your baby will likely become pretty dependent on it and even require it to fall asleep and stay asleep. This can be troublesome for you and your partner when all you want to do is fall asleep and stay asleep as well. Our daughter has grown accustomed to her pacifier, unfortunately. It helps to have it when she's falling asleep but for the most part (at night) can get herself back to sleep without it. I have tried not giving it to her to see if she can fall asleep without it, but it just led to hysterical cries. And I also have realized that I am NOT a fan of letting her "cry it out." It's honestly just a lazy way to go about parenting. Your child is helpless at this stage in life. They depend on you to be there for them whey they cry or need something. If my biggest problem is going into my daughter's room in the middle of the night to give her a passie once or twice, then I'll consider myself pretty lucky. Also, swaddling can be hard to stop once baby is used to it. It's great to swaddle a newborn (especially at night) but try to gradually wean them from depending on being swaddled to fall asleep. It may save you some sleepless nights in the future. We swaddled Eisley until she was 3 1/2 months old. By that time, she moved around so much and once we stopped swaddling her it took her about 2 weeks to get used to her arms being free. She kept rubbing her face and waking herself up.
*Have a routine! Routines are KEY! I do not believe, however, that you can put a newborn/infant on a strict schedule. You can encourage play time, feeding, and naptimes but you shouldn't force your child to do any of those things. You can have little things in place so baby knows what may come next. When it was time for bed, I would take Eisley into her room, with the lights turned off, the fan turned on (for white noise) put her sleep sack on, and rock/sway her until she was sleepy then place her in her crib. We did this from the day 1. Night time is the time she sleeps the best. Yes, she still wakes up for a feeding but consistently sleeps 9-11 hours a night (unless of course she's sick or in pain). Your new baby will give you cues as to what they are ready for. If they're yawning a lot, they're probably ready for a nap. Obviously if you're breastfeeding, it's an on demand job so you can't schedule feedings. You can't really do that if you're formula feeding either. A hungry baby is a hungry baby, no matter what the clock says. At least 90% of the time, place your sleeping (or sleepy) baby in his/her crib or bassinet. That way they'll associate it with sleep time. It's hard not to hold and stare at your brand new peaceful baby when they're sleeping but do what you're comfortable with.
Again, all of these ideas/suggestions are what worked for me and my baby. Every baby is different. There's no harm in trying these things if you are at your wits end and are out of options. If I could go back 21 weeks ago and tell myself anything, it would be to just take a breath, enjoy this sweet healthy little baby and realize that you're human. No one is perfect. This baby is so blessed to have you as their mommy.
