What a big girl!

Last night was the first night that Eisley slept in her own crib... in her room... all by herself. She did marvelous! I survived as well lol. It was harder for me than it was for her. I found myself waking up every couple of hours staring at the screen on our baby monitor. Thankfully, we have a video monitor so I could keep reassuring myself that she was okay.

 

So proud...

My thoughts as of now...

My baby got her first shots yesterday. Three to be exact. Craig and I were both quite traumatized by the whole experience. As every parent can attest to, the "I'm in pain" scream is the most awful sound you'll ever hear. It's completely different than their other screams. We heard that scream 3 separate times. The nurse decided to take her time and and didn't spare us (or Eisley) any pain by doing at least 2 at the same time.

After she calmed down and we were home, she slept a lot. She did wake up in obvious pain and cried for a while and we gave her Tylonol and it seemed to help. I can't believe how fast our little baby is growing up. She weighed 11 lbs 5 oz and has grown 2 inches since birth! I have a feeling she'll be a tall girl like me.

Soon, I think we will make the transition of her sleeping in her crib at night. It makes me sad that we are all ready at that point. I know this decision differs for every parent, as far as when the right time is. We will see how it goes and probably do a trial run soon. I'll let you know how that goes.

In four days, it will be Christmas. Eisley's 1st Christmas! Although she won't know what's going on it's still so special and a great time to start our own family traditions. We plan on waking up in our home on Christmas morning, opening presents, eating breakfast and then heading to Indiana to see family. I honestly can't wait. I think the best part about being a new parent is experiencing your baby's "firsts" with them. It's such a unique feeling.

I'm trying hard to really cherish every little moment with her. The good and the bad. The times she falls asleep in my arms, I'm learning to hold her a little longer than I normally would, instead of rushing off to start laundry or do the dishes. I'm trying not to rush those precious times where she looks up and smiles at me. I'm also trying to realize that sometimes she just needs here mama. She just needs to be held by me and feel that comfort.

I'm trying to overcome all of this guilt I have... this constant feeling that I'm not being the best mom I can be. Something I've done my whole life is second guess myself. I'm never good enough for me. In turn, I don't think I'm good enough for anyone else. I can be a better wife, a better mother, a better sister, a better daughter. Lately, I've been trying to just let all of these fears and insecurities go and just be the best me I can be... as cliche as it sounds. I need to just step back and relax. Take it day by day. I tend to look to the future and worry rather than live in the moment. I will never be perfect. There will be a day where Eisley will tell me that something I've said or did failed her in some way. I didn't give her everything she needed to be the best Eisley she could be. I wasn't a perfect mom for her. That's a tough pill to swallow. Realistically, I will never be perfect... ever. And I know that but when it comes to my daughter (and future children) I want to badly for them to look me in the eye and say "I love you and you are a great mom."

For now, all I can do is laugh at myself, relish in the good moments and take a deep breath in the bad ones and just realize how blessed I truly am for this life I've been given.

Dear Eisley...

You are two months old today. I can't believe how fast time has gone by. It feels like just yesterday I felt you kicking my ribs. For the amount of time you've been on this earth, you have all ready stole the hearts of everyone you meet. They all comment on your big, beautiful eyes! They are so expressive and I could stare into them forever. You are smiling so much more now. You talk and coo all day long. Our favorite spot for conversations is on your changing table. It is your calm spot. I love how tight you hold on to my finger. It's almost as if you don't want to let go. I think you're really beginning to know that I'm your mommy. You seem to be comforted when I am near and when I hold you. Same with your father... You two have such a connection and I love it. I hope you always know how special you are. I promise to remind you of that everyday. I'm so thankful that God blessed us with you.

 

I love you with all my heart, baby girl.

Thanksgiving

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving this year! We traveled back home to Indiana and of course consumed WAY too much food. It was nice to see family and friends and it was our first time home since Eisley's birth. We stayed at his parent's house and she slept so well! I was worried she would be restless and uncomfortable since it wasn't a familiar place but she didn't seem to mind at all. It was a nice relaxing holiday and we can't wait to go back for Christmas!

She is so lucky to have 3 Great Grandmas. And she got to meet all of them!!

Meeting Great Grandma Lucille!  ↑

 

Meeting Great Grandma Hazel ↑

 

And Great Grandma Thelma ↑

 

5 generations of women in our family

(Eisley was not in the mood for pictures...)

[Our little family]

I hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving!

Eisley at 6 Weeks

 

Long time, no blog. I can't believe it's been 3 1/2 weeks since I've written a blog! But I guess I've got an excuse... I'm a new mom. I don't have free time anymore! :) But that's okay, I expected it. The one thing that I've realized since my last post, is that every day is a new day. I've learned not to get too used to how things are on any given day because soon things will most likely change. It's really forcing me to live day by day. My baby girl is changing so much! She's slowly losing that "newborn" look and growing into a beautiful little baby! She has been cooing since about 3 weeks old, but lately she's started smiling when she coos. It's literally the cutest thing you could ever witness. She is so much more alert now. She enjoys being entertained my talking, bouncing, swaying, swinging, and singing. When we go in her room to change her diaper, I lay her on the changing pad and just start talking to her. She makes eye contact with me and coos and smiles. It makes my heart melt. All in all things have been pretty good. My husband has been working the night shift for the past month and at first it was hard adjusting to having less help during the day (while he was sleeping). I'll admit, I had a breakdown (or 3) trying to get adjusted and finding a routine. But I'm learning new things everyday.

Eisley had her 1 month check up a few weeks ago and she is doing marvelous! She's gained 1 pound 10 ounces since birth and grown 1 and 1/4 inches! It's such a good feeling to know you're doing something right as a parent.

 

Eisley at her 1 month check up!

We've also realized that we just have one gassy baby! It seems each day we are finding new ways to help her relieve her gas. Longer burping sessions after a feeding seems to help quite a bit, and for those times when nothing else seems to work gripe water does the trick. It's essentially just ginger which is gentle on the stomach and soothing. She also has acid reflux which I'm sure doesn't help  (or intensifies) her gas issue. She's on Zantac syrup twice a day. It seems to be helping and she doesn't cry as much after eating. Slowly but surely we are figuring out our baby girl and how to make her as happy as possible!

I'm trying to cherish every single moment (even the stressful ones) because as I've all ready figured out, time flies. Before I know it, she'll be walking and talking and these days will only be in my memory (now I'm going to go cry...)

3 Weeks Postpartum

I can't believe it's been 3 weeks since I gave birth to our daughter. Time is flying by! Motherhood is amazing and nothing like I expected. I learn more everyday about myself and my daughter. My husband and I continue to be a pretty awesome team. Eisley has put herself on a little schedule... for now, anyways. On average we get 6-7 hours of sleep a night. Not all at once, of course but it could be worse. (Now that I've written that, I have jinxed myself and she'll decide to sleep less). I'm trying to give myself a break. If I don't get the laundry done one day, it's ok... there's always tomorrow. If I didn't make the bed one morning, it's ok... I'll do it when I get to it. It's taken me 3 weeks, but I've realized that I can't do things exactly as I used to. I have to work around Eisley and her needs.

I really don't have any lingering pain from the delivery. I can stand/walk for extended periods and am no longer sore. I'm looking forward to my 6 week appointment so I can get the green light for actual exercise. That brings me to my next point, my current body image. I have successfully lost all of my pregnancy weight. I lost it rather quickly within my first week postpartum. I attribute it to stress, pumping/nursing in the beginning, and forgetting to eat because I was so consumed with my new baby. I shrunk so quickly that I feel like I should still be shrinking. I'm at my pre-pregnancy weight but I still have that extra chub. I know once I start working out, it will go away. All in all I'm really pleased with how my body looks 3 weeks after giving birth. Thankfully swim suit season is at least 7 months away. I took several pictures in the last few weeks, documenting my shrinking belly:

 

4 Days Postpartum

1 Week Postpartum

1 Week 2 days Postpartum

2 Weeks 5 Days Postpartum

Still have that little extra belly to lose, but it will happen in time. I want to find a good work out DVD I can do at home. By the time I'll be cleared for exercise it will almost be winter so unfortunately, walks may be out of the question. Any suggestions for work out DVD's? Any particular series I should look into? I'll be doing a 6 week postpartum update, most likely so look out for that!

When all else fails...

GO FOR THE MOBY!

 

My baby girl was not letting me get ready today. We woke up at around 7:30am and did not want to go down for a nap. It seemed every time she would fall asleep in my arms, I would try to transfer her either to her swing or our bed and then she would wake up. So, I pulled out the Moby Wrap and placed her inside. Within 5 minutes she was asleep! I was able to finish my make up, eat lunch and pack her diaper bag and we were off to a play date! This wrap will definitely be my new "go-to" item.

♥

2 Week Mini Update

Eisley Rose is 2 weeks and 1 day old today. There's not much to report on as far as her development goes. She's still a newborn, and we're still trying to figure out just who this little girl is.

So far, here's Eisley in a nutshell:

♥She's awake a lot more often during the day. No more sleepy newborn baby.

♥She smiles a lot.

♥She focuses on picture frames, our bedspread and anything with bright bold colors.

♥She's hungry ALL THE TIME. We're still trying to figure out just how much to feed her without overfeeding or underfeeding. We have yet to find an "in between" amount that leaves her satisfied for at least 2 hours.

♥Her favorite way to be held is upright with her head laying on your shoulder. She usually finds something to stare at or simply sleeps. It's my favorite too.

And how are us parents after having a new baby these past 2 weeks, you ask?

TIRED!!!!

But it's all worth it...

Our Birth Story

I've been really excited to finally start writing my birth story. Since before I got pregnant, I found it fascinating hearing about other women's journeys to becoming a mother. Every story is different, and you learn something new from each one. My story is a complete 360 than what I anticipated it being. It was more than I could have asked for and I'm so blessed with how it turned out. So, for those who care... Here we go:

 

It all started in the afternoon on Wednesday October 12, 2011. For the last several weeks of my pregnancy, my husband and I would take these nightly walks at this park near our house. It was a great way to unwind and we were also hoping to get a jump start on labor. On the day of the 12th, my husband came home early, at around noon. We decided to start our walk before dinner that day. So we got to the park around 2pm. We walked about 45 minutes and as we were heading back to the car, I started getting contractions. They weren't painful, just uncomfortable. The closer we got to the parking lot I realized they were pretty close together. We decided to keep walking. We walked for another 30-45 minutes and my contractions were consistently 3-5 minutes apart. We both thought, "This has to be it, right?" I wanted to see if they continued on our drive and once we got home. They did. Craig went and got us dinner and we tried to eat through the excitement. Even though these contractions weren't painful, they were consistent which hadn't happened for me yet in my pregnancy. So we packed our bags and headed to the hospital. You can find a more detailed description of our night here!

Long story short, I was no where near close to meeting our daughter. I was only dilated to 1 and 50% effaced. We went home exhausted and bummed. My husband went to work the next day and I went about my normal house wifey duties. All throughout the day of the 13th I had slightly more uncomfortable contractions. They were probably 8-10 minutes apart and there were times where I'd stop what I was doing because they were really uncomfortable... but not painful. I pretty much assumed that my body would never go into labor naturally. I'm not sure why I felt that way but my doctor and I even talked about being induced on October 16 if she hadn't arrive by her due date which was the 14th. Craig got home around 6:30pm on Thursday October 13. He had just worked a 12 hour shift and he was exhausted. He asked me how I felt today and I informed him that my contractions felt stronger, but it's nothing we should get excited about. We ate dinner and were in bed a little after 7:30pm. A little after 8:00pm, my contractions started getting stronger... and stronger. I couldn't lay down anymore. With each one, I found it more difficult to breathe through them. Then I was crying with each contraction. I went into the other bedroom and kneeled over the ottoman of our glider chair. I was trying to remember the different positions women in labor would do to help ease the pain. I jumped in the shower thinking the hot water would help. Nothing seemed to be helping. These contractions were 2-3 minutes apart and getting stronger. I started experiencing nausea. My husband knew something was up and kept checking on me. I told him to get some sleep because I knew how tired he was. Worried I'd be sent home again, going to the hospital was the last thing I was thinking about. I've heard stories of women being in similar pain to what I was feeling, went to the hospital, only to be told that she's just dilated to 2 and not in active labor. Craig suggested that I call our doctor. When she called back I gave her all of my symptoms and she simply said, "Sounds like you're in labor, come on in!"

I had unpacked the bag I had just packed the night before. Craig was running around throwing his last minute items in his bag. I could barely walk a couple feet with doubling over in pain or feeling like I needed to throw up. He helped me get my bag packed and off to the hospital we went. The car ride there was hell. I had a roll of toilet paper and a trash bag at my feet, just in case I actually did get sick. I held on to a pillow and buried my face in it with each contraction. Once we got to the hospital, (around 10:30pm) the journey from the parking garage to the lobby was nearly impossible. My contractions were literally on top of each other. I could barely walk. We got to the lobby and before we made it to the elevator, I felt another one coming. I threw my arms around Craig's neck and started crying/moaning all while the security guard and a few janitors stared on. All of a sudden, I realized that I needed to throw up NOW! I ran to the lobby bathroom (which I think they had just cleaned for the day) and got sick. Once we made it to the labor and delivery floor, the lady that checked us in could tell I was in labor. She didn't even mention putting me in a triage room and sent me straight to a labor and delivery room.

We entered the bright room and I immediately had another contraction. Our nurse (who was the sweetest nurse I've ever met) started introducing herself and instructed me on how to breathe through each painful contraction. I was half listening and just wanted the pain to stop. Then I needed to pee. Craig helped me to the bathroom and I was also going to put my gown on at this time. He was helping with my gown and then I felt the urge to vomit again. The nurse handed me a bucket and I proceeded to throw up...half naked, standing over the toilet. On my last heave (sorry) I felt this gush of liquid. I looked down and thought I had peed myself. I just looked at my husband and said, "What was that?!" The nurse said I had either experienced a little urinary incontinence or my water broke. Craig helped me to the bed where the nurse asked if she could check me. Of course I said yes. I was so scared that even though I was in so much pain, there was no change in my cervix and I would still be at 1. She informed me that my water did break and happily said, "Oh, you are 3 1/2 almost 4 cm! Let's get you that epidural!"

MUSIC TO MY EARS!! Pre-pregnancy and even very early on, I was very anti pain medication and epidurals. I thought I would totally be strong enough to handle labor pains and desired an "all natural" birth. Turns out I cannot handle pain well at all. I do not regret getting an epidural. It really made the rest of my birth experience so much more relaxed. About 10 minutes after the epidural was placed, I was in heaven. My nurse looked at the monitor and said "Your contractions are right on top of each other and really strong!" I just said "Really? Huh." I couldn't feel a thing! She then told us to get as much rest as we can. At around 1:30am, we both called our parents to tell them I was in labor. They were all 4 hours away and would be on their way as soon as they could.

Craig and I couldn't sleep. We were too excited/nervous and couldn't believe we were actually at the hospital, hours away from meeting our daughter. The nurse came back in at 2:45am to check me again. At this point I was 4, almost 5 cm! She placed the catheter and again told me to rest. Craig went to the gas station around this time to get a Red Bull. Again, we were both too excited to sleep. I was texting all my friends to tell them I was in labor and so was Craig. I think I even posted it on Facebook (oh, the world we live in...) The nurse came back in around 4:25am and I was amazed when she said I was 6 almost 7 cm, 100% effaced and the baby's head was really low. I'll never forget when she said, "Looks like you'll have a baby by breakfast!" I honestly couldn't believe how fast this was going! For a first time mom, I was anticipating a 20+ hour labor. We had only been here 6 hours and I was all ready at 7 cm? Craig and I kept looking at each other in disbelief. This baby was going to be born on her due date! I couldn't believe it!

At around 6:00am, she checked me again and I was at 10 cm!! I think I started crying when she told me. Right around this time, his parents arrived. We all just sat around and chatted about the whole experience. They too couldn't believe how fast this had all went. My doctor finally arrived and my in laws were told to leave because I was ready to start pushing! My nurse got me into position and we started doing some practice pushes. I couldn't feel a thing but somehow, I just knew how to push. I was worried I wouldn't know how, but I did. It felt so empowering that with each push I was closer to bringing our daughter into the world! Craig had the video camera set up behind us with a perfect (and tasteful) view of the delivery. He was holding back my left leg, encouraging me as I was pushing. At one point, I asked for a mirror. I couldn't believe that I did. She brought the mirror over and I could see a tiny portion of my baby's head! It was such a surreal moment. There really is a baby in there! lol The more her head started to crown the more excited I got. I got to feel her head a couple times between pushes. When most of her head was showing the nurse had Craig look. He said, "Looks like she's got red hair!" Again, I started crying. (I cried a lot during the whole experience). My doctor came in and that's when I knew, I'll be meeting her any minute! I continued pushing for another 20 minutes.

At 7:28am, my daughter was born into this world. This sweet little slimy baby was placed on my stomach and I was in such disbelief that she was actually here. I just looked down at her, tears streaming down my face. I remember just wanting to keep her warm. I let her know everything was going to be ok. She looked just like her dad. The nurses said her cry sounded great, which made me happy. I looked up at Craig and we were both speechless. We were actually LOOKING at our daughter. She reached out her arm and grabbed his finger, while looking right at him. He then cut her cord and she was officially breathing and surviving on her own, without my help anymore. After about 5 minutes they took her over to the warmer and weighed her. Craig went with her. I didn't want to take my eyes off of her and I just wanted her to be ok. My doctor then told me that I had tore. I was a little bummed be she informed me that it wasn't that severe and I shouldn't have any problems healing.

After she was cleaned up, Craig got to hold his daughter for the first time. It was so beautiful watching the love of my life hold the daughter we created. I'll never forget that moment. Then, it was my turn. I just stared into her little eyes and told her I loved her.

I was in active labor for 11 hours (9 or which were in the hospital) and only pushed for 45 minutes. I couldn't believe what we had just been through and I was so thankful for a rather short labor and a beautiful, healthy baby. My husband was extremely supportive through everything and I'm so blessed to have such a wonderful father to my child. God really did bless us with our beautiful little miracle.

We love you Eisley Rose.

 

 

New Mommy Struggles

It's 9:15pm on a Thursday evening. My husband and I just finished taking shifts trying to calm our daughter down. The place is quiet, dark and peaceful. It's times like these (which are rare nowadays) where I simply think, "What the heck just happened?!" It's so insane that THIS is our new "normal." Where our evenings used to be filled with relaxing dinners, TV watching, talks about our days now consist of eating quickly before she wakes up, trying to figure out why she is crying and getting caught up on random housework. There really is no way of preparing someone to be a parent. Friends, family and acquaintances can give you advice and fore warnings but does anyone really fully grasp just how much things will be different? We sure didn't. Don't get me wrong, I love Eisley more than anything and I can't imagine a life without her now... But trying to figure out our new "normal" is hard work.

Being a stay-at-home mom is a lot more work than I ever anticipated. From 7 am to 4 pm she depends solely on me to get her through the day. I feed her, change her diaper, make sure she's clean, rock her, hold her, love her and anything else to ensure she is happy and satisfied. Then there are the times where all those things have been done, and she still seems unhappy. That's when I think, "What am I doing wrong?" You live and learn. Trial and error. I can't expect everything to just come to me in the first 2 weeks of her life. I know I'm not perfect and no matter how long I've wanted to be a mom, I'll never meet up to my own expectations because honestly, I've set the bar too high. I'm so hard on myself about everything in my life so naturally I expected myself to instinctively know what my daughter needs 100% of the time.

My husband and I are truly learning what it means to be a team. When he's home, I have a hard time asking for help. I've always been this way... I'm a stubborn person. I'm slowly learning that it's not lazy to ask for help. I don't know what I would do without him. I'm so thankful that I have such a wonderfully supportive husband. He's constantly asking what he can do to help and seems to have more patience than I do. I am blessed.

So, I'm surviving. I'm a new mom with LOTS to learn.

I'm taking it day by day, and enjoying those little moments where she looks at me and smiles. She's thriving, happy and healthy and that's all I can ask for.

 

My New Life

So, I've been a mom for 10 days now. It's really pretty surreal that THIS in my new life. It's definitely a strange thing to get used to. All of a sudden your life goes from just you and your husband and making your own selfish schedule, to life with this new little person who has her own idea of how life should go. But every time I look at that precious little face, the lack of sleep and stress is all worth it.

My little girl has quite a personality all ready. She loves when her daddy holds her. He has always such a calming effect on her. Even in the womb, every time he would put his hand on my belly she would be calm. At the time, it was frustrating for him because all he wanted to do was feel her move inside of me. Now, it's so cute! Right after birth when they placed her in the warmer, he put his hand on her head and she just looked up at him and stopped crying. She's also a spitting image of her dad. I was hoping she would look like him, and I was pleasantly surprised when I noticed several features of his on her.

She also smiles a lot! I know people say that newborn smiles are just gas, but I swear she's one happy girl! After all, her name does mean "cheerful."

Since her birth she has had 2 doctor appointments with her pediatrician. She was a little under her birth weight when we were discharged from the hospital, so they wanted to make sure she was steadily gaining weight. We apparently weren't feeding her enough, poor thing. We got conflicting advice from a few nurses at the hospital on how much to feed her via bottle. After her 1st appointment we were told how much she should be eating. At her 2nd doctor's appointment (2 days after her first) she had gained 7 ounces! Then we were politely told to maybe cut back on the amount at each feeding haha! Hey, we are learning. I can happily say that we have figured out her eating schedule and she's content and getting a little chunkier.

 

Such a good girl at her 1st doctor's appointment!

 

A big challenge for us has been breastfeeding. I was really worried about it being an issue before her birth. Unfortunately, it became a reality. In our perfect world, I would be exclusively nursing. At the hospital, I nursed her directly after birth. Our nurse instructed me on how to nurse her. Unbeknownst to me, her latch was way off... which led to me getting bruised, extremely sore and bleeding. I was then told several different theories from other nurses and lactation consultants on what to do next. Some said nurse through the pain, others said only pump, some said it's okay to supplement formula, and some said absolutely no formula! So as you can see, her first day of life was filled with the extra stress of how I was going to feed my daughter.

I ultimately decided to pump what I could, and give her some formula because I didn't want her to starve, obviously. In these last 10 days I have been pumping every 3-4 hours and only supplement formula if she becomes hungry before I have a chance to pump again. There have been several instances where I do nurse her for 10-15 minutes and then she's done. She gets very impatient and and refuses to try any longer. I struggled a lot in the first few days, feeling like a failure. Why does it work so easily for some women and not others? I've prayed about it, asking God to please guide me to the answer I've been looking for. He has given me a peace about it in the past few days. He has a plan for all of this... This is the way things are meant to happen even if I don't understand them now. Maybe I would have been extremely overwhelmed only nursing.  For now, I'm okay with how things are and I'm taking everything day by day. What matters most is that she is growing and 98% of the time she has my breast milk, and for that I am thankful.

Life has definitely changed for Craig and I for the better. As cliche as it sounds, we couldn't imagine our life without little Eisley Rose. She's our gorgeous little sweet pea and we'll do everything we can to love, care for, and protect her.

♥

 

Mommy's little girl

Meet Eisley Rose

Our sweet baby girl is here! She was born on her due date, October 14, 2011 at 7:28 am.

She weighed 8 lbs 1 oz and was 21 inches long. She is beautiful and Craig and I could not be more in love...

She looks a lot like her daddy, which is what I was hoping for.

She has all ready been showered with love and affection from her family. We can't wait to see who this little girl becomes.

WE LOVE YOU BABY GIRL.

Welcome to our family!

♥

 

Last picture as a family of 2

Welcome to the world!

Eisley Rose!!

Proud new parents!

Sleeping beauty

False Alarm

So, we thought that yesterday would be "the day." We started our nightly walk earlier than usual, around 3:30pm. Towards the end of our walk I started getting consistent contractions which hasn't happened for me yet. So naturally, we were pretty excited. We went home, had some dinner and packed our last minute items for our hospital bags. I had been having contractions 3-5 minutes apart for a little over 2 hours. On to the hospital we went! Craig and I were both so giddy and anxious for what was to come. We kept saying, "We're going to be parents soon!"

We arrived at the hospital and made our way to the labor and delivery floor. We got checked in and put in a triage room right away. Soon a nurse came in and hooked my up to a heart rate monitor for the baby and and contraction monitor for me. When she left I looked at Craig and said "Can you believe we're here? Doing this?!" I couldn't believe I was at that point in my pregnancy where I could literally have my baby at any minute! After thirty minutes of monitoring, the nurse came back to check my cervix. Here we go... the moment of truth. ((On October 7th at my last doctor's appointment, I was only dilated to 1 cm. and 20% effaced))

"Well, you're about 50% effaced, but still just 1 cm." I just closed my eyes and thought "F***." I felt like an idiot, really. One of those first time moms that says to her spouse, "It's time!" only to be told that these aren't even the REAL contractions that do any part in changing my cervix. So she told us to walk around for an hour and come back. We walked all around the hospital campus. We even  ran up and down stairs. A couple people looked at us like we were insane. lol

After the hour was up, we went back to our room, it was 8:30 pm. I was then monitored again for an hour ((which seemed to take forever. My hubby had to work early tomorrow and I felt so bad that we were just sitting there, and most likely about to be sent home.))

The nurse came back in, checked me and said the dreaded words again...

"Still only 1 cm."

"F***!" ((sorry, I was so mad! I just wanted to meet my daughter all ready))

So, we were sent home. It was now 10:00 pm and we headed home sad, tired and disappointed. I was extremely sore. My body had been through a lot, and those weren't even the strongest contractions I'll feel... great.

The nurse reassured us that this is the longest stage of labor. Who knows, maybe in the next couple of days the "real" contractions will come and then I'll be more certain that the time has come. (My due date is TOMORROW, for gosh sakes) I'm just starting to think our baby doesn't want to come out. She's totally fine with just chilling inside her mommy. What a laid back little darling!

Here's to hoping my next post has better news!

Best part of waking up...

Is yes, coffee...

But also it's a beautiful Sunday morning. I love waking up to my sweet husband on the weekends (even though I tend to wake up quite a bit earlier, the fact that I can make him breakfast and start our day together is amazing!). I also want to post a Bible verse every Sunday... after all it is the Lord's day ♥

"It is the LORD your God you must follow, and him you must revere. Keep his commands and obey him; serve him and hold fast to him." Deuteronomy 13:4

GOD BLESS.

A Nice Fall Day!

Even though it was in the mid-80's today, according to the calendar it's October.

We went to this cute farm near our house called Grant's Farm. They had all kinds of animals, gift shops, a little German inspired town with great food and free beer! The hubby enjoyed that aspect! After our trip to the farm we went to the local farmer's market and got some yummy vegetables for great deals! We love buying fresh fruits and veggies and saving a TON of money. I'll be sad when the farmer's market will no longer exist until the spring...

Here are some pics from our trip to Grant's Farm:

And last but not least, a 39 Week belly shot.

You've got 6 more days, baby girl... You're welcome to come anytime though ♥

A jumble of thoughts

Well, it's officially October! The month our daughter will be born! I can't believe it, honestly. These last several months have gone by so incredibly fast. My husband and I become more and more anxious as each day comes. Today I am 38 weeks and 5 days pregnant. At our last appointment, I had not dilated but there was a slight change in my cervix. We're praying for even more progress this Friday!

Aside from (im)patiently waiting on our daughter's arrival, I keep my days busy with cleaning the apartment, doing laundry, decorating her room, and constantly obsessing about needing more things for her arrival. Realistically we are totally set. We have just about everything they say you need to bring a newborn home. There's just this part of me that feels like I need multiples of things and extras of this or that... But I have to remind myself that we are fine and we are very much prepared.

I find myself becoming more anxious about the near future. Our family lives 4 hours away. So, there will obviously be quite a bit of traveling in the first several months of her life. Our family, I know, will also come here to visit us as often as they can. I just want everything to go smoothly. I don't want holidays to be too overwhelming and to turn into a "tug-of-war" between families. I'm sure it won't be that way, but I'm a worrier. I just keep praying that God gives me peace of mind. I pray that He helps me to realize that I can't control everything and that I just need to relax. I just keep saying to myself, "We'll make it work... we'll make it work." And we will! I'm trying to see past the negativity that periodically seeps into my thoughts and just realize that this is the way our life is, right now. We may not live down the street from family and friends, but AT LEAST we are within a fairly short driving distance. That is what we should be thankful for. It could be worse...

On a lighter, less rambling note: Craig and I have been taking these wonderful walks each night. There's this park by our house and we just walk hand in hand and talk about our daughter and how soon our life will be so different. We're also trying to get a jump start on labor! So far, no luck. But I'll cherish these walks forever. We can't wait to take our baby girl there (in our awesome jogging stroller we got from my in-laws) once she's old enough.

 

Taken on our 5 year (dating) anniversary. I can't wait to see who our little girl looks like ♥

Ahhh, nesting.

 

So, my nesting instinct has really kicked in lately. I can't stop running around the apartment organizing, cleaning, straightening, organizing again, sweeping, decorating... and the list goes on. I even found my self cleaning the outside of the trashcan and deep cleaning the inside of the stove... I must be stopped! My thought process the entire time is "She'll be more comfortable coming home to a place that's clean and put together!" Really, Brittney? She won't know where she is or what the house looks like. All she'll care about is eating, sleeping, pooping, eating, sleeping, pooping, etc. And I know that, but I guess that's why they call it nesting. But honestly, I think my "nest" is looking quite nice! We only moved into this apartment a month ago and I just recently started hanging pictures and decorations. It's really starting to look more "homey."

My big task for this weekend is finishing her room! I'll be hanging decorations and you guessed it, more organizing. But once it's finished I'll feel sooo relieved.

 

5 YEARS!!

Taken a couple days after we started dating...

Look how far we've come...
I can't believe it's been 5 years since we met.

5 years since I first shook your hand and looked into your eyes.

5 years since we had our first conversations.

5 years since we had our first kiss.

5 years since you uttered the words "Will you be my girlfriend?"

Now look at us...

We have 2 1/2 years of marriage under our belt.

We are adults. We live completely on our own, in a life we created for ourselves.

Our love has created a little life.

We are bringing a child into this world...

God continues to bless us each and every day.

I thank Him for bringing us together.

I love you sweetie.

(i'll.always.be.with.you)

What's In My Hospital Bag...

For me, I really find it really interesting what other mommies-to-be have packed in their hospital bag. You never know, you might have completely forgotten something really essential! It's ok, just blame the pregnancy brain. Anyway, last week I ventured to Target (my favorite store of all time) and threw everything in my cart I thought I would need for my 2-4 day hospital stay. I wound up spending about $180. I'm pretty happy with my purchases!

Left to right:

-Black Zip-up Hoodie: Something light and slimming I can throw over any shirt!

-Black and white striped pants: Cute, comfortable and also black... (did I mention slimming?)

-2 Packages of Pads, Overnight size: No need to explain what those are for.

-5 pairs of full bottom underware: Again, no explanation needed

-Nursing Pads: I bought the jumbo size. I won't run out for a while...

-2 Nighties/Tank tops: Cute, easy access for breastfeeding and ON SALE!

-Pack of 2 Headbands: You never know when I'll need one to push my hair back amidst labor.

-2 Nursing Tank tops: Also great to have postpartum.

-And socks: You can never have enough socks...

So that's what's in my hospital bag! Of course there are a couple last minute things I'll add when the time comes. Packing it made everything so real. Soon I'll be using all of these things. Holy crap! I can't wait!!

Have we gone overboard?

Our daughter's due date is in 3 weeks and 2 days. Yikes. It will be here before we know it. And hell, she may even arrive a week early! As each day passes I realize that our time as a family of 2 is dwindling and I feel there is still so much we have to do. This past weekend we finally purchased all of the big "essential" items. I put "essential" in quotes because I know some of the things we purchased we could realistically live without. But come on, this is our first baby! When we walked into Babies R Us a month ago, they handed us a scanner and a gigantic list of the "must haves" for the entire first year of a baby's life. It's a bit overwhelming to say the least.

So we registered for pretty much everything that we could ever want for our daughter. We didn't expect to get everything but with everything we scanned, we could come up with a valid reason on why we needed it. If you think about it, babies only need a select few items in their first weeks, even months, of life. Will the baby care how cute their crib bedding is? Will he/she care how many adorable pairs of jeans they have? Will they be offended if their stroller doesn't come with all the bells and whistles as the baby across the street? Obviously, no. But as a parent you want your child to have everything. And everything is so cute! Sorry, but it's true.

So do I think we've gone overboard? No more than any other first time parents. I finally feel satisfied that we can bring our daughter home and have just about everything I think we need. My nesting instinct has really kicked in since I haven't been working. I'm constantly cleaning, organizing, rearranging, etc. This girl has TONS of clothes. We definitely don't have to buy her any clothes for at least the first 8 months of her life. I think she has more clothes than Craig and I combined! But I for see a lot of outfit changes due to puke, poop or pee so it's always good to have lots of choices. This girl will continue to be spoiled through both sets of grandparents, I'm sure. But it's only natural, she will be the first grandchild on both sides! Poor thing will just think the whole world revolves around her! Could you imagine ;)

A few pics:

Only the clothes that are hanging up. She has a dresser filled with all her onesies and pants

This is me. This is me 36 weeks and 6 days pregnant. And I'm happy to say that is NOT a maternity shirt. I feel pretty good that I can still fit into some pre-pregnancy clothes at 9 months pregnant!

Let Me (Re)Introduce Myself...

Hello! Welcome to my blog! I decided to start blogging about this new journey I've embarked on. I write this, currently 36 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Pregnancy in itself, is quite an epic journey. It's had ups and downs (mostly "ups") and is now nearing the end. I mean, really... this baby could come at any time! Anyways, I plan to blog my way through the incredible experience of becoming a mother and all that it entails. The good, bad, and the ugly! I especially want to document these last remaining weeks of my pregnancy which I really wish wouldn't end. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to meet this little girl but once my morning sickness ceased and my belly grew larger I've really enjoyed being pregnant! But alas, all good things must come to and end and my life will go from daydreaming about life with a new baby to actually living it. So, join me in my journey of birthing our daughter to adapting to life as a new stay-at-home mommy! It should be interesting...

14 week belly shot!

Week 13/14 Update!

Happy week 14! This past 2 weeks haven't been very eventful, pregnancy wise. No big changes as of yet. Some days I really feel like I have a belly, some day I don't. It's like a come-and-go belly :) For the most part, I'm starting to fill out at the bottom. We had our prenatal for this month yesterday. I love that my husband goes to every visit with me. I know some guys just don't see why they have to go, but I love that he wants to be apart of everything! I'm blessed. I always love going to my doctor visits! We finally got to meet our doctor which was nice! She had been delivering babies the last two visits I had so we met with the nurse practitioner. She really seems like she knows her "stuff" which is comforting. I have no doubt she'll take good care and me and the baby. We got to hear he/she's little heartbeat again! Something I could listen to all day long... It was in the 150's! It was a lot louder this time. It sounded strong! That made me proud. I also have not gained ANY weight since I've been pregnant. My doctor is convinced it'll catch up with me soon enough. It has to be the random days over the last 6 weeks where my nausea has really messed up my eating habits. Another exciting thing we got to do yesterday was schedule our anatomy scan for next month!! On May 20th we (hopefully) will know if our baby is a he or a she! I can't wait! I hope this month flys by!

We're still hunting for apartments for this fall. Our lease is up on October 31 and I am due on October 14. We are trying to get out of our lease a month early and move to a different part of town. We've been searching for our perfect place with 2 bedrooms. It's just a stressful thing to think about because I really want to stay in this new apartment for at least a couple years, so we must find a good one!

Oh! I almost forgot. We also celebrated our 2 year wedding anniversary on April 17! It was a great day. We went to the zoo, relaxed and went to a local italian restaurant for dinner. I'm so blessed to have such a wonderful man to call my own!

Other than all of that, nothing else to report! Until next week!

Week 12 Belly Shot!

Week 12 Update!

Hello! It is week 12 of my pregnancy. I'm not sure if I said this last week, but I feel like time is flying! Again there's not much new to report this week. I'm still battling the nausea with the occasional vomitting, unfortunately. I'm praying that stops soon. My belly is definitely feeling a little harder than usual. If I ever try to suck in my stomach it hurts, so I know the pooch I have is legitimate. I'm an counting down the days until we can find out the gender! I'm hoping for May 18. That will be 4 weeks after our appointment for this month and I'll be in my 18th week. It's still crazy to say "We find out NEXT MONTH..." I feel like it was just yesterday that I found out! I don't really have any feelings or predictions on what I think the little peanut is. I did have a dream a couple nights ago that it was a boy and it had my husband's eyes, nose, lips and ears. So, mother's intuition or just a random dream? A lot of family and friends say it's a girl. So I'm super anxious to see exactly what it is! We actually received our first baby item this week. We still haven't bought anything for the baby yet. Our friends who just had a little boy in February gave us a box of newborn diapers that their baby has grown out of. I was so excited just to have something baby related in our house. I can't stop picking up the diapers and imagining our little baby in them! I think we might wait until we find out the gender before we buy anything. I can't wait for that day! I'll definitely have to document it.
This week has also been a week of worry. I just keep imagining our new life, come October. I'm just scared that I won't know what to do and my natural motherly instinct won't kick in. I'm sure it will but being a first time mom, I'm just so scared that I won't be the mother I've always wanted to be. I just keep praying that everything will be fine and that my husband and I will get through it gracefully.
That's all for this week. Until 13 weeks!

Week 11 Belly Shot!

Week 11 Update!

Hello! Only two more weeks until I'm in my second trimester! It's just exciting to say that... I'll be in my SECOND trimester. I'm also hoping that my nausea/vomitting subsides. This past week the vomitting came back. I thought the only reason why I was doing that before, was because of my prenatal vitamins. I guess not. I haven't really figured out a routine or remedies to help. Today I didn't eat anything all morning except for water and successfully didn't throw up... just dry heaved (TMI, I know). I still can't believe I am 11 weeks. I just feel like it is flying by. By our next appointment (April 20) I'll be 14w5d. Crazy.
At our last appointment on March 25, we finally got to hear our baby's heartbeat! It was so cool. She didn't have trouble finding it, either. It was amazing to hear. Can't wait to hear it again!
Other than that there's not a lot of new things to report. Exhaustion also came back in full force. I wake up tired and nap frequently throughout the day. Maybe soon, I'll get my energy back, we shall see...

Week 10 Belly Shot!

Weeks 8-10 Update!

So, I know I've been slacking on the weekly update but we've been pretty busy. Week 8 was nothing really special. I was pretty sick until the very end of that week. I am back on my original prenatal vitamins and have no more nausea from them! I still have a little bit of nausea in the mornings when I first wake up but it goes away pretty quickly. Most of Week 9 was spent in Siesta Key, Florida! We went on a wonderful family vacation with Craig's family and it was soooo relaxing. We really had a great time and will possibly go back sometime this summer for our official "baby moon." Also in my 9th week was my 23rd birthday which actually turned out to be quite a stressful day. We arrived into town that day (March 12th) and checked into our hotel. We walked in and looked around and I went to the bathroom. When I wiped, my heart sank. There was blood. It wasn't dark, just a pink-ish color. If I would have taken a second to think, I would have remembered that I have read PLENTY of articles, blogs, forums etc., where women say they have some spotting and that's usually normal. But, I freaked out and ran to tell my husband. We both just stared at each other and then he frantically said, "Go call your doctor!"
I called my doctor but it was a Saturday, so they directed me to an emergency number. The nurse practitioner that I talked to asked my a lot of questions and suggested that since I was out of town and it was a weekend, that I should go to the emergency room.
Craig and I spent most of the car ride to the hospital in silence. We were both nervous and I just had a feeling deep down that something wasn't right. After blood tests, a pelvic exam, an ultrasound and 4 1/2 hours later I was reassured that all is well. All my levels were prefect and the baby actually measured 3 days ahead of schedule on the ultrasound with a heart rate of 171 bpm. I didn't get to see the baby on the screen but Craig did and he said he/she's little arms and legs were moving :)
Once our family got into town we went out to dinner to celebrate the good news and my birthday. Thankfully the rest of the week we had no more scares. I definitely am pooching this week. It just looks like I ate a little too much. But I know it's baby because I just feel heavy down there. And when I suck it in, the pooch is still there.
That's pretty much it for these weeks. We have our 2nd prenatal appointment this Friday. I'll be exactly 11 weeks. This pregnancy is FLYING by. I feel like it was just yesterday I found out! Crazy.
Until next week!

Childbirth: Au Naturale VS. Pain Meds

Since becoming pregnant, I've realized that there's a huge debate out there on natural childbirth versus childbirth with pain medicine/epidurals. I understand that there are some women out there that are extremely passionate and proud of the fact that they gave birth with no medicine! And good for them! They should be proud. I've come across several articles in which these women go on rants about other women who electively have C-sections or choose to have an epidural without a second thought. I can see their point when it comes to scheduled C-sections. Obviously, there are instances in which that is a mother's ONLY option. But then there are the ones whose pick a date months in advance (around the time of their due date) and plan the birth of their child around their busy schedules. Some women go so far as to have a tummy tuck immediately following the C-section. They have been dubbed "Designer Births." Yes, that is completely ridiculous.
But what I'm more interested in is how people judge other mothers for choosing to have pain medication or  even the controversial (among natural birth women) epidurals. It is a decision that is COMPLETELY up to the woman. The woman may be a little (or very much so) nervous about the fact that she is about to push a watermelon out of her. So, I would never judge a woman for choosing a less painful labor process. But I feel that the more I do research, I'm made to feel bad that I would even think of having anything synthetic to assist me in labor. There have been articles published about the short or even long term effects an epidural or even Pitocin can have on the infant. I read this quote that stood out to me:


"Pitocin is administered to speed up labor, but the increased level of pain requires medication that slows it down. In addition, pitocin often has no effect on cervical dilation even though the contractions are much stronger." (More from that article) 


That is why I go back and forth on how I want my birth to go. More and more research comes out about what those pain meds really do to you and your baby. But then again, I've know plenty of children that have been birthed via C-section or vaginal birth while the mom had an epidural and they've turned out wonderful and with no obvious effects of being delivered from a mom who had an epidural.
I've also thought about having a water birth. I've just always liked the idea of it. I also can't help but think that being in warm water while having contractions would help ease the pain a little bit. I'm pretty sure that the hospital I will deliver in has the option of a birthing pool. It would be great to think about even a home birth, but with my first child I don't know if I want to take the risk of not being in a hospital in case an emergency arises. My husband also agrees. 


I will continue to do research and contemplate what could be best for me and my baby. As long as the baby is delivered safely, that's all that matters. In the end, whether you arrive to the hospital with a birth plan in hand or not... the decision is ultimately up to God. No matter how much you plan and hope and wish, you will get the birth you are supposed to have.

Week 6/7 Update!

Hello all! Sorry for the lack of update for week 6 (as if anyone is actually reading this...) But, nothing noteworthy really happened until week 7. A majority of week 6 and 7 have been very nausea-filled. It all just hit me at once. It wasn't until I was 7w4d that I actually started "getting sick." Not fun at all. I think I've narrowed it down to the DHA in my prenatal vitamen. I take a seperate DHA pill from my regular prenatal. Within an hour of taking both, I get sick. So, no more of those until I talk to my doctor again. We had our first prenatal appointment on February 25th. It was just a lot of paperwork, blood work, questions, etc. We didn't get to hear the heartbeat because it's still too early. BUT! I informed the doctor of my uterus issue and we got an early ultrasound on February 28th! I found out about a year ago (through an ultrasound un-related to pregnancy or fertility) that I have a sub-septate uterus. Basically it's heart shaped with an extra little wall going down the middle. So, just to be safe we wanted to get an early ultrasound to check viability.

All was great! I was measuring exactly 7w3d (which was the exactly how far along I thought I was). We got to see his/her's little heart beating away. 160 bpm :) I started crying when I saw it beating away. We were very thrilled to know that everything looked great.

Our next appointment is on March 25th. I'll be exactly 11 weeks! I'm hoping we actually get to hear the heartbeat that time. I can't wait! We are actually leaving for Siesta Key, FL next week... At least we hope. It all depends on how I feel. I pray that I'll be up for two 16 hour car drives, so we'll see! I'll post pictures if we actually go! See you at week 8!

SYMPTOMS THESE PAST WEEKS:

-NAUSEA!!!!!

-Increased Moodiness