What a big girl!

Last night was the first night that Eisley slept in her own crib... in her room... all by herself. She did marvelous! I survived as well lol. It was harder for me than it was for her. I found myself waking up every couple of hours staring at the screen on our baby monitor. Thankfully, we have a video monitor so I could keep reassuring myself that she was okay.

 

So proud...

My thoughts as of now...

My baby got her first shots yesterday. Three to be exact. Craig and I were both quite traumatized by the whole experience. As every parent can attest to, the "I'm in pain" scream is the most awful sound you'll ever hear. It's completely different than their other screams. We heard that scream 3 separate times. The nurse decided to take her time and and didn't spare us (or Eisley) any pain by doing at least 2 at the same time.

After she calmed down and we were home, she slept a lot. She did wake up in obvious pain and cried for a while and we gave her Tylonol and it seemed to help. I can't believe how fast our little baby is growing up. She weighed 11 lbs 5 oz and has grown 2 inches since birth! I have a feeling she'll be a tall girl like me.

Soon, I think we will make the transition of her sleeping in her crib at night. It makes me sad that we are all ready at that point. I know this decision differs for every parent, as far as when the right time is. We will see how it goes and probably do a trial run soon. I'll let you know how that goes.

In four days, it will be Christmas. Eisley's 1st Christmas! Although she won't know what's going on it's still so special and a great time to start our own family traditions. We plan on waking up in our home on Christmas morning, opening presents, eating breakfast and then heading to Indiana to see family. I honestly can't wait. I think the best part about being a new parent is experiencing your baby's "firsts" with them. It's such a unique feeling.

I'm trying hard to really cherish every little moment with her. The good and the bad. The times she falls asleep in my arms, I'm learning to hold her a little longer than I normally would, instead of rushing off to start laundry or do the dishes. I'm trying not to rush those precious times where she looks up and smiles at me. I'm also trying to realize that sometimes she just needs here mama. She just needs to be held by me and feel that comfort.

I'm trying to overcome all of this guilt I have... this constant feeling that I'm not being the best mom I can be. Something I've done my whole life is second guess myself. I'm never good enough for me. In turn, I don't think I'm good enough for anyone else. I can be a better wife, a better mother, a better sister, a better daughter. Lately, I've been trying to just let all of these fears and insecurities go and just be the best me I can be... as cliche as it sounds. I need to just step back and relax. Take it day by day. I tend to look to the future and worry rather than live in the moment. I will never be perfect. There will be a day where Eisley will tell me that something I've said or did failed her in some way. I didn't give her everything she needed to be the best Eisley she could be. I wasn't a perfect mom for her. That's a tough pill to swallow. Realistically, I will never be perfect... ever. And I know that but when it comes to my daughter (and future children) I want to badly for them to look me in the eye and say "I love you and you are a great mom."

For now, all I can do is laugh at myself, relish in the good moments and take a deep breath in the bad ones and just realize how blessed I truly am for this life I've been given.

Dear Eisley...

You are two months old today. I can't believe how fast time has gone by. It feels like just yesterday I felt you kicking my ribs. For the amount of time you've been on this earth, you have all ready stole the hearts of everyone you meet. They all comment on your big, beautiful eyes! They are so expressive and I could stare into them forever. You are smiling so much more now. You talk and coo all day long. Our favorite spot for conversations is on your changing table. It is your calm spot. I love how tight you hold on to my finger. It's almost as if you don't want to let go. I think you're really beginning to know that I'm your mommy. You seem to be comforted when I am near and when I hold you. Same with your father... You two have such a connection and I love it. I hope you always know how special you are. I promise to remind you of that everyday. I'm so thankful that God blessed us with you.

 

I love you with all my heart, baby girl.