New Mommy Struggles

It's 9:15pm on a Thursday evening. My husband and I just finished taking shifts trying to calm our daughter down. The place is quiet, dark and peaceful. It's times like these (which are rare nowadays) where I simply think, "What the heck just happened?!" It's so insane that THIS is our new "normal." Where our evenings used to be filled with relaxing dinners, TV watching, talks about our days now consist of eating quickly before she wakes up, trying to figure out why she is crying and getting caught up on random housework. There really is no way of preparing someone to be a parent. Friends, family and acquaintances can give you advice and fore warnings but does anyone really fully grasp just how much things will be different? We sure didn't. Don't get me wrong, I love Eisley more than anything and I can't imagine a life without her now... But trying to figure out our new "normal" is hard work.

Being a stay-at-home mom is a lot more work than I ever anticipated. From 7 am to 4 pm she depends solely on me to get her through the day. I feed her, change her diaper, make sure she's clean, rock her, hold her, love her and anything else to ensure she is happy and satisfied. Then there are the times where all those things have been done, and she still seems unhappy. That's when I think, "What am I doing wrong?" You live and learn. Trial and error. I can't expect everything to just come to me in the first 2 weeks of her life. I know I'm not perfect and no matter how long I've wanted to be a mom, I'll never meet up to my own expectations because honestly, I've set the bar too high. I'm so hard on myself about everything in my life so naturally I expected myself to instinctively know what my daughter needs 100% of the time.

My husband and I are truly learning what it means to be a team. When he's home, I have a hard time asking for help. I've always been this way... I'm a stubborn person. I'm slowly learning that it's not lazy to ask for help. I don't know what I would do without him. I'm so thankful that I have such a wonderfully supportive husband. He's constantly asking what he can do to help and seems to have more patience than I do. I am blessed.

So, I'm surviving. I'm a new mom with LOTS to learn.

I'm taking it day by day, and enjoying those little moments where she looks at me and smiles. She's thriving, happy and healthy and that's all I can ask for.